Fidel Gastro’s

I think I’ve just fused my brain. I was holding a very dark brown avocado and I was checking if it was ripe enough to eat. I started staring at the blackness of the skin and the almost red spots across the surface and then I went into some weird trance and I couldn’t stop […]

Oh my Christ. As usual I always reply to those 419-scam emails from my Nigerian friends offering $30million if I give them a hand. A bit of scam-baiting always livens up my day. However I got this email today.
Foolishly I replied
“Bishop - my seed is everywhere - i have many monies to send you. Please […]

The Dixon’s Sale. Has anyone ever walked into the electric retailer during their sale and said ‘Can I have a black circumsized one please?’
Good weekend this weekend. 2 hour Tennis session on Sat morning at exceptionally poor standard. Saturday evening was spent at Kenwood House at a Frank Sinatra tribute concert. Excellent even though it […]

I have discovered today at the gym that this week on MTV is ‘Hot and Horny Week’. This consists of mainly Spring Break type programming and features a lot of extremely good looking bikini’d women covered in shaving foam and paint. The down side is having to see all the thick necked, muscle bound American […]

is being the first to use the latrine this morning. So clean. So, so, so clean. Virgin clean. Not any more.
I feel like a filthy marauding Visigoth pillaging a Japanese kimono shop in Kyoto on it’s opening day. Ah, beautiful.

Not sure if people remember I asked the Examination Board around using slang in exams. I got a reply; which was cc’ed to the head of the UK QCA board and around 10 other members of the QCA. Not sure whether to laugh out loud or to laugh nervously expecting some kind of exam related […]

I am still watching Big Brother. I watched Jon sleep this morning at 4am.
Can I ask what the hell is wrong with the girls? It�s been a veritable teardrome in the house since day 1. Are girls normally like this?
Ray rubs his head - Tania cries. Federico blinks quickly - fricking Tania cries. Gos puts […]

Mmh. Not sure about the new gang this time round. They all look like animals.
Justine is a wascaly wabbit.
Federico is a smooth yet slimey gecko
Steph is a little mouse
Nush is a gerbil
Gos is a Silverback Gorilla (Male)
Jon is a trapped and shaved David Baddiel. Same voice. Less funny. More tedious.

Jon

An adult Baddiel. (recently shorn […]

I am a member of a gym. I have nothing against the naked form. I like working out. Yet why must my visits to the changing room before and afterwards be punctuated by nude men with their wangs out?
I was in the gym this week getting changed and turned to find a liver-spotted old man […]

I sent the following email to Coca Cola
—–Original Message—–
From: Cian Weeresinghe [mailto:cian@cianw.co.uk]
To: ‘webmaster@coca-cola.co.uk’
Subject: Important coke Question
Dear Dr Coke,
Am I able to mix Vanilla Diet Coke and Lemon Diet coke together safely? I’ve heard it may cause acidic melting of the throat.
We have tried it and here are the results.
Yours
Cian Weeresinghe

Not hearing anything I decided to […]