Fidel Gastro’s

A Bi-curious bi-cyclist by way of Bicester. A little rhyme to warm your Friday. But what of all this blatant cyclism? I once had a bike. It was stolen. Painful experience yet it’s most likely your recently thieved prize warhorse will end up on sale in East London within the hour. If you buy a bike from a busker in Brick Lane it’s probably hotter than the hottest January since records began but yet karma and the cycle of theft of cycles will get you in the end.

Fuck tha karma police

Apparently when you buy a bike from a tramp, who surely hasn’t himself recently purchased a Specialised Stumpjumper with aluminum frame and lightweight front shocks, you shouldn’t be too surprised when two weeks later it disappears in a puff of chav-fulled smoke. Those tramps will get you in the end with either advanced satellite GPS tracking or painting the tires with red paint and following the trail with a bolt-cutter. The Recycle of Cycles.

CEO of Evans Cycles

Why are we talking of recycling? Because this blog is now officially carbon-neutral; I’m going to recycle old articles in order to save the ozone layer. How? Because last week, scientists in the Daily Mail reported that original content has more carbon dioxide than old content by up to 93.5%. (Much like research by Apple Inc that uncompressed .wav music files are much heavier than compressed mp3s so now iTunes has made the internet lighter and therefore cheaper).

1’s fit more easily down the internet pipes than 0’s because they are thinner.

So what is first in the Green Box for council collection outside my flat in Islington you ask? The fabled Chicken Doner.

Whilst in Birmingham on a stag do I discovered that the kebab had been replaced by the burrito as a late-night alcohol absorber. However according to local Internet sources there is no such thing as a Chicken Doner. The sliced dog-on-stick is, in fact, the Chicken Shawarma.

Open with chili sauce. No onions.

Back in 2003 a quick poll of the local deviants came up with these alternatives for the term Chicken Doner.

A friend at school who used to give his chickens away to local charities.
Chicken Doner

That famous footballing chicken
Chickedona

That Crime fighting duo
Chick ‘n’ Donna

Realising your friend is a master of a marginal martial art
‘Chi-Ken’ Don!? Ahhh.

A non-sensicle question/answer.
“Chickendon?”
“Nah”

A really weird Venutian joke.
Ch? Ik En D? On naaa!

An non-existent type of kebab
Chicken Doner

A comedy prostitute
Cheeky End Donna

Feeling ill at a race circuit
Sick in Donington

A eastern european hotelier
Czech Inn Donna

Asking your brazilian friend Chee if he’s wished to participate in a weapon based martial art
“Chee, Kendo?”
“nah.”

Or what you say if someone claims there’s a boogy man under the bed
“CHECK UNDER NOW”

An advert for a hitman advertising in a magazine for dog’s.
Cheap - Can Do Owner.

What you do if you find Barbie’s husband and wants to discover who it belongs to
Check Ken’s Owner

On that note I guess I’ll see you in the Sultan’s Delight at 2am tomorrow night - Shawarma’s on me! Any more uses for the maligned term in comments please.