Fidel Gastro’s

Did anyone eat one of these? The McRib? The thing didn’t have a bone it in. And was reaaally minging. (Oops - two links already, I don’t normally do that but oh well just remember to come back once you’ve had a cheeky click.)

I quite like sampling the local MackyD’s specialty sandwich when on holiday, the McTeriyaki in Japan, the McFalafel in Eygpt and the McKroket in Holland which is an off-menu order in Amsterdam. Yes - the fabled McKroket which when I ordered it I got the look of ‘I’m dujtch and even I thinjk yjou’re crazjy’ from the 3 star. ‘What is it?’ I hear you all cry - well it’s kind of hard to describe without a schmoke and a pancake but I’ll try.

Stop, drop and roll

Sooooo yeah, it’s kind of like, yeah, a pea and mushed up meat stew yo, sort of like a mix of baby food and beige acrylic paint which is like somehow then breaded and then kinda deep fried in creosote. Yeah. It’s put between two hamburger buns (no sesame seeds here) and served lukewarm. MMMMMH this IS a tasty burger. Yet it turns out this localisation isn’t just limited to Japan, Egypt and Holland but you’ll also find the Maharaja Mac in India, the Bulgogi Burger in Korea, the McHuevo in Urugay, the KiwiBurger (with obligatory beetroot) in NZ and many more. Hamburglar’s terrorist network must be truly international.

McKroket. Survives any nuclear winter.

So why am I here? Existentialistically? God knows. But He was on my side just then as I spelt ‘existentialistically’ right the first time. But on the topic of the McRib? And why did I spell it McCrib? Well to be honest it was a bad twist on the word ‘Crib’ as I am currently in the process of buying my first flat (whammy) and Crib is current ’street’ parlance for home or place of residence. Word. Actually I’ve learned recently that the word ’sick’ is now a synonym for ‘ill’ and ‘ill’ was Beastie Boys for ‘bad’ and ‘bad’ was Jacko for ‘Good’ so ’sick’ is good. And ‘Bare’ is very. So if Winnie got naked and caught the flu then he’d be a bare sick sick bare bear. Wow.

Like Ma Bell I’ve got the Ill Constipation

You are probably asking where this is going now, I originally started this as an article on how to get my new flat featured on MTV Cribs (e.g. deck my flat with stuff made by companies that don’t make that stuff - ‘Yo this is my ballin’ ass dessertspoon, 2 million dollars each, handmade by Apple Inc by Steve Jobs out of moon rocks or some shit. Straight ballin’ man and see this, all my toothpaste ain’t minty fresh- it’s flavoured with vintage Cristal and made by Louis Roederer. They had to change they whole factory. Each tube is a half mil. I clean my sneakers with it. Ballin‘) but got distracted by Ronald McD, Major McCheese, Hamburglar and the purple jelly motherfucker Grimace. I bet you their CheeseBurger Crib gets on MTV before mine.

“Now get out of my house before I call the cops”