Fidel Gastro’s

Oohh - look at me, I’m being topical. Normally my posts are unrelated to my life, current affairs or nerd news to the point where it could be being broadcast by a Nigerian 419 scammer on his off day, but reading about Hammond’s injury in the tabloids really touched a nerve. I liked Top Gear, I like cars and I quite like Hammond with his inoffensive rodent-like bouncy chipmunk charm. But to see that not one tabloid could find out or agree on how fast the ‘ROCKET PROPELLED JET DEATH MACHINE’ was travelling when it said ‘adios’ to the road is a disservice to not just Richard Hammond but the entire automotive industry.

“It was Clarkson’s fault”

Glancing across the papers and internet headlines I’ve had speeds of 280mph, 300mph, 315mph rammed down my throat. He was tried to break a land speed record - surely there must have been a speedgun there? Or was the offical speed going to be based on what the top-selling paper of the day claimed? The Sun came up with 315mph with their standard belief that the paper with the highest speed and the most sideboobs will sell the most papers. I’m intrigued to see what the Page 3 stunner had to say on the matter.

Kaley, 19, Cardiff

‘With my pHD in aeronautical engineering and 4 years at CERN, it seems a clear case of an overcompensating front wing combined with my fantastically bouncy 34DD’s and a penchant for girl-on-girl which caused this problem’

Obviously I wish Mr Hammond all the best but if the worst should happen then it seems to be a worrying trend where people are killed by the things they love. First Steve Irwin by the ‘FIN PROPELLED SUICIDAL DEATH RAY’, then potentially Hammond by the ‘JET POWERED DEATH VEHICLE’ and hopefully next Gillian McKeith by the ‘DEATH INDUCING POO PILE’.

“I have come for the one you call McKeith”

“yes, that’s me, star of hit show ‘You are what you eat’, national treasure and PHD wonder woman. My my - you have had a little too much roughage. No - stay back, no - what are you doing? No - not that, please don’t do that on my face, arghh…”

Actually it’s a shame it wasn’t Clarkson. I would have quite liked it to have been Clarkson.