Fidel Gastro’s

Is that the correct collective noun? My current favourite is a business of ferrets. In a recursive sense it would be cool if the collective noun for businesses was a ferret.

“Ok - let’s take the Q4 projections offline.”

Therefore you could have a ferret of businesses of business ferrets who own a ferret of businesses which ferret around other businesses accused of ferretting away their business resources. Including ferrets.

I like recursiveness. Like recursive acroynms. VISA stands for VISA International Service Association. But what does the V stand for? VISA. And the V in that VISA? VISA. Und so weiter. Even better is if VISA stood for VISA ISA SA A. The A? That stands for A.

Back to MySueList. Who do I want to sue today? All mobile phone manufacturers. All? Yes all. Especially those who have allowed the onbord mp3 players to output their music to the speakerphone. The modern day, extremely tinny version of the ‘BreakDance 2 Electric Boogaloo’ style ghetto blaster. I wish, much like the daisycutter, the ghettoblaster was some kind of military weapon I could use on the train to kill these streetkids; loudly beeping and tweeting out their latest chart hits in the morning. I like most of the stuff they are playing but not at 8am and not through a speaker the size of a 5p piece. It’s these small things which starts wars, both intercontinental nuclear and gangland turf, especially when you have more than 1 playing in the same carriage and you get a discord of chav chunes and angry glares across the seat aisles.

Preferrable to a pair of Nokia N93’s

I think some sort of inverse steaming could work where a large posse of middle class wankers like me would jog through the carriage, ask to borrow their mobile phones, turn the music off, set it to silent and politely return to owner with a cheerful smile.

On a similar note Apple should be fiscally yet wistfully punished for the standard Apple iPod bud headphones which leak more than a tourettic confessional priest…

At any volume setting anyone in a 10 metre radius can hear exactly what you are listening to. Do these people know how bad these headphones are and the fact they are a walking mobile disco? I think it’s partly a case of the iNod phenomenom where iPodders need that ‘nod’ of recognition for their white box of joy.

“I have a iPod. I want to show people I have one. Look at my white headphones. I listen to ‘cool’ music. I want people to know I listen to cool music. Hey you - can you hear that tinny blare? You can sing along if you want. It’s the Artic Monkeys - yeah I’m cool. Cool and rich. That’s me.”

Fuck off. Go and buy some decent headphones, stop inflicting your music on me and realise most 10 year old spawns of pramfaces have 30g video iPods these days.

“I’ve got 12 kids, 3 asbos and 40 gigs of mp3’s”

But what to do with this narcissistic music vanity that’s in all of us really. Using Last.fm, I display my last listened to show that I’m ‘cool’ and ‘internet’. ‘Cool’ and ‘Internet’ - mmh not sure if that’s possible. Anyway.. . I think physical social networking around music is coming with possible Bluetooth iPods and small wearable wireless diplays. Maybe you’ll be able to see on your iPod other iPods nearby and what they are playing, proudly wear a LED badge on your bag which shows your current track and therefore try to pick up girls unsuccessfully.
“Hey ipod001. Come talk to me. I like The Arcade Fire too. Oh you’re ugly. Nevermind.”