Fidel Gastro’s

Holiday

Went to Majorca. 2 of us in 8 bed villa. Felt like Marcellus Wallace in that scene in Pulp Fiction. No, not that scene.
Drank 30p San Miguels, swam in private pool with a dead mouse, ate Paella with rabbit and snails (terrible company), and fired a 12 gauge shotgun at the horse tethered outside our villa.

Came back. Got lashed. Went to work. Got lashed. Went to work. Got lashed?

Big Brother

I am still watching Big Brother. They really are a poor bunch. I am sure Tania is a man called Tony who used to work in the GAP on Regent’s Street.
They’ve just done a Anglo-Afro swap in the BB house. If I was Gae (the African) I would have pretended to be some kind of sub-human, shuffling round grunting and searching the garden for grubs and roots to feed on. Instead of sunbathing he should have been preening the other housemates and fashioning tools out of bits of twine. He could have left having further warped the UK public’s view of Africa.

‘Good lord Marjorie, those blackies really are primates. I told you the Daily Mail was right. And we let them vote? Get my shotgun.’

Toys

Just got a pair of Hulk Hands (photos to follow) and a DVD-R. Not sure which is cooler. The fact that I look like I have giant green hands which generate soundeffects on impact or the fact I can burn 4.5GB’s in 15 minutes. Coincidentally I also joined a DVD rental club - 9.99 a month and unlimited rentals.

PC

Broadband has landed. Along with around 6 Gigs of downloads. Again coincidentally I also acquired GTA: Vice City. The other night I hacked a hooker to death with a hammer. I stood back, lit a cigarette as I mounted my motorbike, wheelspinning off into the sunset as I tossed the match behind my back and the entire street exploded as ‘DMX -X Gonna give it you ya’ boomed in the background.

Then I got home and turned my PC on.