Fidel Gastro’s

I am a member of a gym. I have nothing against the naked form. I like working out. Yet why must my visits to the changing room before and afterwards be punctuated by nude men with their wangs out?

I was in the gym this week getting changed and turned to find a liver-spotted old man BLOW-DRYING his Johnson. I almost screamed and ran out.

That right - a man, butt-naked, proudly blow-drying his donger with a hairdryer.

What has the world come to? I am never touching a hairdryer in a changing room again. Do Boots market dry-in conditioners for manbush? No.
I’m half expecting next to find him straightening his piecewig with some ceramic hair straighteners.

Anyway, what really makes me mad are men to decide to weigh themselves on scales completely naked. Why why why why WHY? Wear some pants for the love of god. Pants don’t weigh much more than a couple of ounces - weigh your damn Jockeys and subtract.

Additionally why do these guys decide the last thing they need to put back on is their kecks? Standing there wearing their shirt, tie, jacket, bowler hat, shoes and socks and their schlongs proudly hanging out. I’m sitting on the bench doing my laces, turn around and almost lose my eye to a 40 something sporting a semi. The almost aggressive nudity is actually scary. Men will walk around, man-baloney swinging free, and almost challenge you to take a look. And when you do, BAMF - you’re a bender. A locker homo in a MAN’s gym.

Maybe this is because of the times I grew up in. Communcal PE showers were being faded out in the early ’90’s and the paedo nature of gym teachers was being revealed all too frequently; this while the older male generation still heartly believe in 10 real men in a room, dingus’ swaying in the breeze, and plenty of cheeky towel-to-ass whipping. Shockingly it seems this is also shared by the younger female generation. According to my sources 10 hot broads in a room and cheeky towel-to-ass whipping is commonplace in the gyms of London.

A single tear is currently tracing its way down my cheek.