Fidel Gastro’s

After discovering that Don Johnson was found at the Swiss/German border with 5 billion dollars a couple of days ago, I expected there would be some explaining to do. Fingers immediately pointed to money laundering.

Did some drug lord think that no-one would suspect a TV star, who used to bust drug lords on screen for fun, would be involved in money laundering? Ooh the irony. Who else was on their list? Riggs from ‘Lethal Weapon’? Ray Tango from ‘Tango and Cash’? I can imagine the drug baron, sitting in his pink mansion in Miami, calling over one of his goons and saying;

‘Raul, you get me that Crockett guy. I need Crockett - he weak and he will break. The money must move tonight.’
‘But Senor Ramirez, he is just TV character. He is no real cop. Look I have video of Don Johnson in the Miami Vice pilot. On Betamax, Senor, as you requested’
‘Enough with crazy talk. Get me Crockett or I kill you like dog. I like his suit - I reward him good with nice cream nylon suit. I have good tailor, double breasted with two pockets for him’

Anyway Don is now claiming he was just closing a bank account for a new investment deal.
Investment Deal. Five billion dollars. Nash Bridges. Mmh, my big brown ass Don. Are you building some kind of fricking space ship?

I hope for his sake we see this headline pretty soon.

Don Johnson Makes World’s Largest Quilt Out Of Van Gogh Paintings and the Bayeux Tapestry.

(I have just visited Don’s official website and now agree that he is “one of the most imitated men to come along since James Dean”.